I feel so alone without my husband today. I am lucky to have lots of friends and family who are always there for me, but I miss having my 'person'.
Lots of things have happened this week that I really wish I could talk to him about and get his thoughts on. Like a big development at work that he would have let me complain about; or something exciting that happened to me that I know he would be proud of me for.
I really miss the way he 'got' me and found me hilarious and cute and was always so supportive and accepted/loved everything about me - even my flaws. Before I met him, I didn't think any man would ever 'get' me in that way.
I miss calling and texting him throughout the day telling him little snippets about what I was up to or discussing what we were going to do that night, what to have for dinner, plans for our weekend, etc, and he would be so interested in my lame boring stories and excited to hear from me.
Some days I feel like I've adjusted to being on my own again pretty well, and other days... well, I just feel lost.
Oh Rebecca I just sat here and read almost your whole blog. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for you. My love left me through depression and ultimately suicide on April 13. It's been 67 days. Oh my God it feels like yesterday but then again it feels like I've been feeling this pain for 6 years. The last week of his life replays in my head every minute of the day. He just turned 24, four days before he died . So young, too sensitive for this mean world. If I didn't have my daughter, I can't imagine how much worse I would be. But my world in the last 67 days has been a black hole of every horrible emotion a human can feel. Anger, sadness, confusion, guilt and the grief is unforgiving . Again, I'm so sorry for you. Please tell me it gets better. I understand everything you wrote. I can't understand how he could leave me and believe my life would be better without him. I feel like I died that day. My spirit is crushed . Please tell me it gets better.
ReplyDeleteHi Leah, I'm sorry it's taken me a while to reply, I haven't been writing on this blog much since taking up the Saturday posts on Widow's Voice. I'm so sorry for your loss, you're in the early stages of this nightmare and I wish I could take your pain away. I can tell you, for me, it has gotten easier. I'm a couple of weeks away from the one-year mark and I still miss him but the pain is easier to mange, I have days where i even feel normal and can laugh and get excited about something. I have accepted that this will be a long road, and I have to me patient with myself (which I'm not good at!!). Please keep reaching out to people, lots of love to you and your daughter xox
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