Since my husband passed away I've been working in a temporary contract. Recently, I was invited to attend a training workshop about applying for, and winning, a job.
My goal for the workshop was to learn some helpful tips to use in future employment attempts. However, much to my surprise, I gained so much more.
The facilitator was wonderful and I took the opportunity during our lunch break to speak to her about my personal situation. I explained that since Dan passed, my goals and priorities have changed so drastically.
In the 'before', both of our career choices were significantly driven by money, as we were focused on setting up our life together, having the wedding of our dreams, buying our family home and saving for a future that would hopefully involve me taking time off work to raise our children.
However, in the 'after' my priorities are obviously very different. The most important thing to me now is a work/life balance that gives me more time for personal healing, reflection and time doing the things that bring slivers of joy to my life (such as spending time with my nephews, family and friends, traveling, baking and yoga).
My concern was that potential employers would see this choice as a lack of motivation or aspiration.
When I mentioned this to the facilitator she gave me some wonderful advice on how to handle this particular scenario (including negotiating part time work) and as the day progressed, I realised something important about my new outlook.
For the first time ever, I saw that my situation as a suicide widow may not actually be a liability to any future employers. Because by surviving the pain and trauma of losing your spouse in such a tragic way, I have had to dig deep within myself and find resilience that I never knew existed.
This experience has consequently given me a suite of traits I either didn't need before or just didn't know I possessed. In my after I now have: more maturity and wisdom; healthier priorities and a different perspective when looking at 'problems' and petty dramas; empathy and compassion; and a stronger resolve in the face of adversity.
It's always a very strange experience when I identify some kind of 'positive' that has risen out of the ashes of this tragedy. Because obviously I would give everything any anything to undo this and bring my husband back.
But the truth is there ARE some aspects of this experience that have been positive, and this is a good thing. Let's face it - if it was ALL bad, it would be pretty hard to keep holding on.
It is because of Dan's death I've met some wonderful people who I wouldn't have met otherwise and I've been able to help other people who have been affected by mental illness.
I don't know what the future holds for me, where my career will go, the experiences I'll have and the people I'll meet. But I feel like I will continue to receive gifts from Dan for the rest of my life, which I love. I'm so grateful that he have his love to me and he's still making me a better person, after his death. That's a very wonderful thing.
