A few weeks ago I started a new exercise where every night before I go to bed I write down one thing that I'm thankful for.
Some days it's been a particular friend or family member or even stranger who helped me through a tough moment, some days it's been a pretty sunset or a fun social outing or holiday plans or an issue that got resolved, some of you have made the list and some days it's just that I made it through the horrible day!!
I've noticed that doing this has stopped me from focussing on what I have to feel horrible about (husband's suicide six months ago and the massive truck load of shit that comes with that) and it's improved my mood and outlook.
I still cry and I still miss him like crazy and have bad days where the tears won't stop. However, in general I've found myself looking forward rather than looking back.
I'm also remembering more happy memories of him and smiling/laughing more, and spending a bit less time thinking about the way he died.
I actually feel like it's reduced the self-pity and I most days I even feel lucky. Imagine that! Last week, on Dan's six-month anniversary, this sunset from the view of my plane ride to Melbourne made the list:
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