Bah humbug

I have been doing really well but am feeling so sorry for myself tonight. The tears keep coming. 

I try not to get caught up in the pity party but it hit my while I was small talk about 'Christmas plans' at the hairdressers... It's just so unfair that this has happened to us. 

I should be planning my first Christmas lunch as a wife and making rum balls and sending 'family' Christmas cards and picking the perfect present to bring out Dan's beautiful smile and I can't believe that instead I'm having to live this hell. 

I don't feel brave tonight, I feel like throwing the mother of all tantrums and smashing something and screaming 'Get Fucked World' at the top of my lungs. 

I want my husband and I want to be trying for a baby and worrying about frivolous work problems and planning our next holiday. 

This is bullshit. Dan didn't deserve this. None of us did. Life can be so cruel. 

My little tree... I didn't think if put it up, but somehow managed.