Missing the 'old normal'

After a busy week, I woke up yesterday, on Sunday morning with that glorious feeling of having nothing planned and excited about a whole day to myself, to potter around the house, bake, do some Spring (Autumn?) cleaning and catch up on my favourite TV shows.

As I was lying in bed, thinking about what I should do first, my mind started to wander to how different my weekends are now, and how much I miss waking up with Dan.  

We would love lazy mornings, laying around in bed for ages before one of us would finally try to get up (usually Dan), and the other would tackle them back to bed (usually me!) demanding more laziness.  Then, finally, we’d drag ourselves out of bed and start our day together.  

This usually involved heading to the gym - where he’d wink at me when he walked back and forward from the weights to the water cooler - before brunch at a cafe and then a wander around expensive furniture stores dreaming about what we'd like to buy. 

Even the most boring, mundane tasks, like getting groceries or doing our housework, were so fun with Dan.  He made a game out of everything and we were always laughing and teasing each other and holding hands and cuddling.  On our honeymoon, our flight to Koh Samui was delayed by 7 hours in Singapore.  We were tired and cranky and keen to get on with our holiday however being with Dan made it fun.  

I could have been locked in an empty room all day with him and we would have had an awesome time, making up stories and games and talking nonsense and laughing.  He was my favourite person.  I really miss having a ‘partner’ to spend those quiet, lazy days with - I really miss him.     

Once I started thinking about this, or course the tears came and unfortunately hung around all day and night.  I would have a good cry, then get up and think ‘right, that’s out of my system, time to go and hang washing out’ and half an hour later there’d be tears running down my face again.  It SUCKS!!!  

I miss him every day and think about him constantly, but some days, it seems to hurt a bit more or I just can’t shake it off.