As much as I enjoy having them here, it's been a difficult weekend.
Firstly, because we've been slowly going through Dan's possessions. I had already been through everything, so there were no surprises, but this was the start of the horrible task of moving and getting rid of things.
We only really dealt with a small number of things. His dad picked out a few shirts that he wanted to keep and I also gave him a couple of Dan's watches, cuff links, caps and knick knacks, like his rubix cube. His mum was happy to take some photo albums from when he was younger, sports trophies and some books she'd bought him.
I'm a bit of a hoarder, so I'm going to find it particularly difficult to let go. But I know I can't keep everything. As much as it was difficult, I'm glad these things will still be 'around'. I know that when the time comes to give things to charity or throw worthless things away, it will be so much tougher. That's still a long time away though.
I think another reason that it's been a tough weekend is that, other than when he died and the funeral, this is the first time they've visited without Dan being here.
All weekend, as we've been sitting down to meals, doing projects in the garden and around the house and driving around town, I've been swamped with vivid memories of other times we've done these things with Dan.
We've been talking about him constantly, which is lovely, but I had settled in to a kind of semi-contained, stable pattern of aching for him quietly... And this weekend it's been very prominent, vocal and constant. Not that it's a bad thing, I mean the ache is always there anyway, it's just a little different and a bit more exhausting.
Today will hopefully be easier. We're driving up to the Sunshine Coast for the day, for lunch with my family. My nephews will be sure to liven things up. The last time we were all there (besides Dan's parents), was four days before he died, so that might bring up memories too.
As I said to my sister earlier in the week... Sometimes I have to do things that remind me of him or where his absence is obvious, but I miss him every moment of every day anyway, it's just that the scenery and company changes.
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